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| Wednesday, 2-May-2007 04:18 |
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KENAPA ARAK ITU HARAM???
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Contributed by Firdaus @ Ampang
Eeee gelinya....
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| Wednesday, 2-May-2007 04:18 |
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Jokes for you and me
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Jokes for you and me
Contributed by Joni @ Jakarta City Indonesia
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it
doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the
baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as
I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito
enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan
removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".
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| Wednesday, 2-May-2007 04:04 |
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A Small House in Brazil
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Contributed by Liza @ Abdulah Hukum
 
 
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| Wednesday, 2-May-2007 04:00 |
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TATOO YANG KURANG AJAR...
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Contributed by Not @ Sentul
THIS POSTING IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE!!
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| Tuesday, 1-May-2007 23:57 |
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RIBENA ADA KANDUNGAN ARAK???
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RIBENA ADA KANDUNGAN ARAK???
Contributed by May @ Kampung Pandan
LONDON : Pemimpin Islam di Birmingham menggesa diadakan rombakan
menyeluruh dalam undang-undang pengguna selepas kemunculan berita
menggemparkan bahawa dua minuman ringan kegemaran mengandungi arak.
Birmingham Post semalam melaporkan ramai peniaga membuang stok Ribena
dan Lucozade selepas pengguna mendapati ramuan perisa air minuman itu
mengandungi arak meskipun pada paras yang rendah. Peraturan makanan
tidak mensyaratkan pengeluar produk itu, Glaxo-SmithKline menyenaraikan
arak pada bungkusan minuman itu kerana kandungan arak itu pada kadar
yang rendah.
Bagaimanapun, umat Islam yang diharamkan daripada meminum arak mendakwa
semua minuman ringan seharusnya dilabelkan dengan jelas jika ada ramuan
yang bercampur arak meskipun amat sedikit. Empat tahun lalu, Walkers,
sebuah syarikat makanan, menukar label pada bungkusan kerepeknya
selepas akhbar Birmingham Post mendedahkan snek keju dan bawangnya
mengandungi ekstrak lembu tidak sembelih. Kandungan arak dalam Ribena dan
Lucozade adalah kurang daripada 0.1 peratus tetapi umat Islam memberitahu
Birmingham Post bahawa mereka kecewa selepas mengetahui bahawa mereka
sejak sekian lama meminum arak meskipun pada paras yang teramat rendah.
Pengerusi Masjid Jamik Birmingham, Dr Mohammed Naseem menyuarakan rasa
terkejutnya kerana undang-undang itu masih membenarkan kandungan dalam
makanan atau minuman tidak dinyatakan dengan jelas pada label. "Kita
amat kecewa kerana sebelum ini umat Islam menganggap minuman ringan
seperti Ribena dan Lucozade ini halal tetapi sebaliknya," katanya.
Pekedai yang juga anggota Persatuan Peniaga Ladypool, Mohammed Zaman
Khan berkata penjualan Ribena dan Lucozade jatuh mendadak sejak beberapa
minggu lalu dan beliau memastikan produk itu tiada pada rak kedainya.
Jurucakap Glaxo-SmithKline memberi alasan label minuman dan makanan
pasti tidak dapat dibaca jika peraturan mensyaratkan semua komponen bagi
penyediaan makanan itu dinyatakan. "Sesetengah bahan perasa mengandungi
lebih 50 komponen. Kami amat sensitif dengan keperluan budaya pengguna
dan cuba menangani isu itu jika ia dimaklumkan kepada kami," katanya.
Beliau mengakui minuman tenaga Lucozade berperisa asli, limau, tropika
dan sitrus mengandungi paras rendah arak begitu juga dengan lima perasa
yang disediakan untuk Ribena. - Agensi
Untuk menyemak status halal pada makanan:
1. taip HALAL <13 digit barkod yg terdapat pada barangan>
2. hantar ke DAPAT (32728)
Cth:
HALAL 9556404002153
Msg from DAPAT:
JAKIM K/Bar: 9556404002153
Status: SIJIL SAH
Tkh Luput: 14/03/2008
Prd: MIRINDA ORANGE P 1.5
Syt: PERMANIS SDN BHD (050)
Sebarkan mesej ini kepada rakan muslim anda bagi mengelakkan ummat Islam
dari termakan makanan yang haram!!!
Hanya 0.65sen sahaja bagi mendapatkan status makanan yang anda makan..
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| Tuesday, 1-May-2007 06:06 |
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Smiley
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Smiley
Contributed by Helen via maxis blackberry
Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their
passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made
passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell
asleep, awaking around eight p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told
the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she nonetheless complied.
He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?"demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling", replied the man, "I can't lie to you.
I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all
afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
Don't make the same mistake ...
An Ah Lian, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
"How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need
were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her
husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the
house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the Lian came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the Lian answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
" Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the Lian added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Fellali."
Anythin'
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her
husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words:
"Honey, before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about."
The wife stopped to listen. He continued, "I was driving along the highway,
and I saw this young girl looking very tired and be draggled, so I offered
her a lift."
"She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the
roast you didn't like in the refrigerator.
She had only some very worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of shoes you had
discarded simply because they were out of style."
"She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday -
the one you never wore because the colors didn't suit you. Her slacks were
torn, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but much too
small for you now."
The wife seemed to have no problem with any of this, but still needed just
one question to be answered...
"That's all fine and good," she said,"but why did I find you both in our bed
with NO clothes on?"
The husband replied, "Well, that's simple...see, as she was about to leave
the house she turned to me and asked,
"Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore??"
Who's better?
A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid.
After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a
cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
The maid, with her Gallic ancestry, couldn't allow such abuse to go
unanswered. "Your husband consides ma a better housekeeper and cook
than you, Madam. He has told me himself."
The rich bitch just scowled and said nothing.
"And furthermore," the angry girl continued, "I am better in bed than you!"
"And I suppose my husband told you that, too?"
"No, Madam," said he maid. "The chauffer told me that!"
Thanks Doc!
A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married
and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50,
and I get $43 back from Medicare (Medical Claim).
The House Phone Bill...
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a
family meeting.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I
do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.
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| Monday, 30-Apr-2007 03:49 |
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TOILET EVERYWHERE
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TOILET EVERYWHERE
Contributed by Saadah @ Cheras
TOILET - STAFF NOTICE
With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more
consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time management
and equal treatment for all. On the first day of every month, all staff
will be issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated.*
The doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer-linked voice
recognition devices. Staff must immediately provide management with two voiceprints,
one normal and one under stress.
Once the employee's toilet trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet
will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the month. In
addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll extractors.
If the toilet is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound.
Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into the
dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open automatically.
If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a security
camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board. Anyone appearing three
times will forfeit three months' toilet trip credits.
Anyone caught smiling when the photograph is taken will undergo counselling
by a clinical psychologist.
Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any
injuries incurred while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the
dispenser.
By Order
MANAGEMENT
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| Tuesday, 3-Apr-2007 05:35 |
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Princess of Malaysia
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Contributed by Fariz @ Ketoyong Rock City
YM Tengku Nurlin Salleh
YM Sharifah Nurul Afzan
YM Sharifah Raihan
YMTengku Alana... peeehhh Cun siotttt!!!!
YM Tunku Aminah
YM Tunku Nadiya Sahiya.
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| Tuesday, 3-Apr-2007 05:29 |
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Tension kid indeed...?!
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Contributed by Amy @ Malacca
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| Tuesday, 3-Apr-2007 05:29 |
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KUBUR MAT REMPIT
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Contributed by Angie @ Selayang
Serious ke mamat neh!!
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